Your login information returned multiple users. Please select the user you would like to log in as and re-type in your password.
T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for Commander Shepard who you know is going to shag everyone in sight.
That's my super creative poem I've written for this, the night before the release of Mass Effect 3. Sure I know some of you are actually interested in the 'story' of the 'aliens' or whatever are coming down to kill humanity or something. But I know that the majority of you are actually thinking about nothing more than who you're going to shag on the Normandy.
Me? I'm going to play a male Shepard again because it is my own personal mission to turn the Normandy into a steamy hot male-on-male gay-sex bathhouse the heights of which would make the Emperor Caligula blush. Commander Shepard? More like Shepard as many crew members' shafts into my bedroom as possible! And I don't even care who. Joker? Hell yeah! I'll swing his useless, god-smited, spaghetti legs out of the way and do him dirty until he's all out of witty comments.
So how about you? What are your lustful plans for your Commander?
Comments
12 years, 8 months ago
Renting her out for a night where only one of us will be satisfied, and my 1$ isn't going to Big Papa EA Pimp Deluxe.
12 years, 8 months ago
O.o Poor Joker. . . .
Co op for sure, all about the loot baybey!~ Veteran packs 20,000? Who gives a shit, gimme 5 at the same time!
12 years, 8 months ago
I will make love to Ashley as if she was a blow-up doll.
12 years, 8 months ago
The lesbian adventures of a Liara lover.
12 years, 8 months ago
Renegade Gay Shep, only way to play Mass Effect 3. If not FUCK YOU.
12 years, 8 months ago
Great read Joseph, thanks! And I want some sweet mordin macking in my Me3
12 years, 8 months ago
I'm just surprised that no one has mentioned banging EDI.
12 years, 8 months ago
This article is sexy.
12 years, 8 months ago
Loved Tali since Mass Effect 1, sticking with her till the end. I just love Quarians man!
12 years, 8 months ago
I banged ashley in the first, Tali in the second (would've gone with tali in the first if it was possible) and I'm goin for tali in the 3rd. if joker is an option, however...seth green sausage fest in the captains quarters.
12 years, 8 months ago
Lustful plans?
Well, Good Guy Shepard stayed faithful to Ashley despite all the hot women flinging themselves his way in ME2 with so much as a misplaced dialogue response, so he'll be hoping to hook back up with her in 3.
Bad Guy Shepard, after basically being all Darth Vader for absolutely everything else, fell head over heels in love with Miranda when she started wearing that black latex outfit. So he's hoping for more kinky fun while he crushes the universe under his boot, unless a hotter chick comes along in which case he'll shove Miranda out an airlock or something suitably evil.
12 years, 8 months ago
I'll stick with liara.
12 years, 8 months ago
i never would have guessed it before but badass gay shepard sounds like the most entertaining way to go through the game props joeseph!
12 years, 8 months ago
I think I want this game now.
12 years, 8 months ago
I never had a Romance in Mass Effect 2. I tried to get with Tali but I never kept up with it and before I knew the game was over.
I could go back to Ashley...but then again I've never had sex with an Asari before...