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Full disclosure, I played baseball in elementary school, football in high school, and I love myself a good live Hockey game. However, I've never been a traditional jock type. Sure, one of my hobbies is working out but I always saw that as a general health -I like getting laid- sort of a passion. It was never linked to any sort of archaic devotion to a "team" or a "school". Especially not a school. In fact I've always felt that the only thing worse than most professional sports, was college sports.
Not that the sport is particularly different when it takes place at a school rather than a city stadium, but with it comes this self allotted sense of sanctimony that makes me want to throw up my lunch. The idea that entwining 'team spirit' with 'school spirit' somehow makes it more sacrosanct, more pure and immune to any sort of corruption is beyond repulsive to me. If anything, this has been proven false with certitude over the past few months. The Sandusky scandal, which I admittedly did poke a large amount of fun at in my live show, put things in a stunningly irrefutable light.
But now I'm getting off track a bit. Though you can see I'm not a big sports guy, the Super Bowl does have some things which tend to draw me in. I am a gamer after all. So what is it that I do tend to like about this, the biggest American sporting event of the year?
1) The Snacks
Oh Jesus the snacks. I am a male with a penis and two balls which hang below, which means that it is within my DNA to enjoy small pieces of spicy meat. And if there is anyplace you'll find these types of delicious morsels, it's at a Super Bowl party. Add in chips, nacho's, enough melted cheese to kill FIVE of Casey Anthony's babies, and you have yourself enough reasons to give up healthy eating for a day and dive into that slimy and caloric sea that only the most rotund among us dare to tread.
Just be sure you have nothing important to do the next day. Those of us not used to such excessive gluttony may find our bodies rejecting it by the next afternoon. Plan to always be within .5 miles of a toilet facility and, for your own sake, do not get stuck in traffic.
2) Hey, it is a game after all.
Ok, so you'll be watching football. But it's still a game right? And you love games! I would even go so far as to say that the new Madden games look so good right now that you could probably hold a controller in your hands the entire time and pretend that you're actually playing. It'll give some authenticity to your joy when the team you're controlling scores, or punctuate your sorrow when that same team begins to do badly. It'll also be fun if you choose one other person at the party and pretend that they are controlling the opposing team. And it doesn't even matter who they're rooting for in real life. When you score you stand up to them, point your finger into their chest and scream "IN YOUR FACE, MOTHERFUCKER!" This will add even more life to the party if there are copous amounts of alcohol involved.
3) The Cosplay
Who knew that gamer geeks and sports fans would have something in common. Just when we thought that we might be strange for enjoying the act of dressing up like the fictional heroes we like to read about, it turns out that Jocks like to do the same thing! In fact, football games are just like one big Football convention where everyone is cosplaying their favorite character. The only difference is they get to watch their character at the same time, just like when Star Wars fans dress-up to see a Star Wars movie, expect sports fans get to do it every week! So lucky! I will say this though, us gamers tend to look a little better in our costumes than sports fans do in theirs. Uncle Bob certainly needs to lose a few; he can hardly Tea-bow over his monstrous gut.
So there you go. If you happen to find yourself in the middle of a Super Bowl party this Sunday, fear not. There is something for us there, and maybe you might even find yourself enjoying it.
Comments
12 years, 9 months ago
Amazing article Joseph. So true
12 years, 9 months ago
This is perfect timing because I just got invited to my first Superbowl party. I have successfully avoided them in the past but now people know my weakness is rum!
12 years, 9 months ago
What's a Superbowl?
12 years, 9 months ago
I've tried to convince a lot of gamers of points 1 and 2 - some get it and others don't. Unfortunately I've always been an extrovert and enjoy beer and sports a fair bit. I never really had any problems fitting into any social circles - combining my friends from one circle to another can prove complex though. Maybe if I send them an article from a gaming site about this topic it will be more convincing than when the argument comes directly from me.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend folks, party hard and stay safe.
12 years, 9 months ago
Oh my god this is amazing.
12 years, 9 months ago
I'm guessing this year will be pretty much exactly the same as any other year for me. On Monday there will be some chit chat regarding the Super Bowl and who won, and I will respond with "Oh yea, that Super Bowl thing was yesterday, which team scored more goals?" From time to time I pay attention to the commercials, but more than likely it will just be a normal Sunday for me.
12 years, 9 months ago
I like sports and games, whoospy motherfucking daisy. Go Pats!
12 years, 9 months ago
Sports fandom is kooky, but it's kinda brilliantly human, too. It's one of the last bastions of civic pride in our society, and I certainly wouldn't call it archaic. Sure, people can take it too far and put someone in a coma for wearing the wrong colors, but I'd blame that on sports as much as I'd blame video games for Columbine. I see a lot of similarities between the dedication to the 4pp community based on shared admiration and the fandom towards a sports team. They're just nerds for different shit. Both fanbases indirectly "root" for their group's success, even if the latter's reason for said fandom is as lame as "because we live here." (name that movie!)
To that point, I disagree with your notion of college sports being worse than the pros. I worked my ass off to get into my college and wish the best for any student-athlete who's suffered along with me, not just because we've both slept through the same lectures, but because we both CHOSE to attend the same school, which in my book yields a greater sense of community than rooting for millionaire hireling hunks of athletic meat.
I'm not saying college sports isn't corrupt, but, shit, what isn't these days? Certainly the video game industry. And I would only blame the Sandusky stuff on sports as far as it was the small town mentality that elevated its 75 year old football coach to deity status and expected him to be more than what he was; an old man who was really good at coaching football. Sports was just the backdrop for corrupt university presidents who didn't want bad press. IMO, the same thing could have happened to a school without a sports team with those guys in charge.
Oh, and gamers are better cosplayers than sports fans? Dude, Seattle comic con must be MUCH different than what I've seen in San Diego.
12 years, 9 months ago
Soooo am I the odd one out here? I love games (anything from RPGs to FPS'), I love anime, I work out, play sports and follow my local sports teams (Mets, Knicks, Giants, Jets, Rangers), I'm a God fearing Christian male, and I'm studying Child Psychology. I'm into fashion, have over 40 pairs of sneakers/shoes and I own a small library of books that I'll read one day...
/digression
I love watching the Super Bowl. It's even better when the team I root for is in it.
12 years, 9 months ago
I'll be watching the Puppy Bowl instead. Because that shit's amazing.
12 years, 9 months ago
Joseph, how could you, of all people, forget the best part of watching the Super Bowl? If you go to a SB Party, there's guaranteed to be copious amounts of alcohol for you to consume, and even better if it's at somebody else's expense. By halftime the fact that there's a football game on doesn't really matter
12 years, 9 months ago
Thanks!
12 years, 9 months ago
lol i enjoyed this write up thoroughly
12 years, 9 months ago
Surviving the Super Bowl is definitely easier than surviving the Genki Bowl.
12 years, 9 months ago
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vfd5_co80-s