Here's Your Sonic 4: Episode 2 Screens You Sad, Sorry, Miserable Bastards

Published by Joseph Christ on Feb. 15, 2012
Header Image - Here's Your  Sonic 4: Episode 2 Screens You Sad, Sorry, Miserable Bastards

It's been a little while since Sega has hoisted up Sonic The Hedghog's dessicated, mangled corpse for its annual defilement, but luckily for you it seems to be that time again! Yes, apparently the bells atop the blackened tower have been struck, sending out a vibratory signal to the Keepers of the Husk, as they are known, and Sonic's droopy, stinking cadaver is splayed out for a Sandusky style molestation that would make any Cenobite worth his salt proud.

The latest shots of the Crime Scene known as a Modern Sonic Game  were leaked via the XBox Live marketplace, where they were obviously carried out of someone's disk try by the Maggots of Isolation, who are known as heralds of a new Sonic game before its release.

If things go according to practice, during the next full moon cancerous wolves with engorged and distended anuses will appear from a sea of black crud, and simultaneously take a dump on the grave of Edgar Allan Poe. These fecal pronouncements will then coalesce into one throbbing mass which, once a child is sacrificed at Sega HQ, will then become a gameplay trailer that we will be forced to post; lest we endure 1000 years of guttural decay in the Vats of Hercules.

Comments

  • Avatar
    Nakamura
    10 years, 4 months ago

    Hey now, the last few Sonics have at least been decent...

  • Avatar
    J52
    10 years, 4 months ago

    Not interested unless they made the physics feel better, but since this is "Episode 2", I doubt it.

  • Avatar
    Dimensaur
    10 years, 4 months ago

    Will just leave this here for reference:
    http://dft.ba/-1RfN

    As for these screens I can't say I myself am particularly excited. I never played the first episode, nor do I have any desire to. Somewhere someone is happy about these screens though, and I hope they at least have fun with this installment.

  • Avatar
    Andareas
    10 years, 4 months ago

    well it looks kinda good tbh...

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    J4g3r
    10 years, 4 months ago

    The special stage looks promising! HNNG

  • Avatar
    Travis Granger
    10 years, 4 months ago

    what the hell is this post about

  • Avatar
    EETZ Hammatiem
    10 years, 4 months ago

    Its too bad the sonic games on the genesis(besides the first one) are awful tech-demos and terrble though medicore games with no idea what type of platformers they want to be. if anything that keeps them from the title of "Gaming`s Biggest sacred-cow"(Which is it is and its a FACT) its the highly delusional classic-sonic fanboys that love to bitch and moan about how terrible every one of the 3d games are(not like most of them are good-games but you cant tell anyone in real-life that without getting a kick in the balls first). and the overall population of morons that infest the gaming-media(or the media in general)who relay on sonic`s impact on gaming in 1991 and that they refuse to review the genesis-crap today because they know they have to give it a rating below a 6.5

    enjoy running fast at high speeds? enjoy the realization of repeatedly hitting objects and running though the level without any real challenge besides the random. bland. not to mention dragging level-design and hitting the enemies because of your stupidity of wanting to have "fun".

    did you think it was pretty cool that you build enough speed to run up a curve-hill? well i sure did and honestly i think it actually pretty cool today. you know what else was cool? using that same speed for anything else in the levels other than the curve hills. oh wait? wasnt everything in the levels concerning the speed building just more curve hills and basic platforms. don`t get me started on the "interactive-gimmicks" that shit barely requires speed or skill whatsoever

    and oh boy playing as SUPER SONIC you see that shit as a 5-year old kid with down syndrome(the typical person who gives something for classic-sonic fags to wet themselves over) and what does that remind of......Goku going all SUPER-SAIYAN to fight the big-meanie alien Douchebag Frieza on Dragonball z. remember how awesome dbz was when you were a kid.gone back to watching dragonball z today?. well describes playing as super sonic well. nothing says awesome like making the levels worse than they already were. zooming though the level without any danger whatsoever. i love holding the right button without the realization how awful this feature is. if anything the prince of persia 2008 team look at super-sonic and thought "Hey people love playing as Super Sonic in the genesis-era sonic games right? lets take the design philosophy of that feature and put it as the emphasis in the pop game were making"

    And lets not forget about this
    http://blog.homicidalbunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Sonic3CarnivalNightBarrel.jpg
    SEE THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE DEFINING MOMENT OF GAME-DESIGN.nothing comes close to about how brilliant and thoughtful this moment was i mean taking around 1 hour to figure this out in 1993 only to realize that all you had to do was push the up and down buttons to make the fucking barrel move so you can progress though the fucking-boring ass level

    you classic-sonic fanfags make me laugh with your flawed logic and ov

  • Avatar
    Inarius
    10 years, 4 months ago

    Implying any of the recent Sonic games have been bad.

  • Avatar
    Rendrak
    10 years, 4 months ago

    I always laugh when people talk about how far Sonic has fallen. It hasn't gotten worse, you're just not 8 years old anymore.

  • Avatar
    StückBrot
    10 years, 4 months ago

    I approve this post. Sega can go fuck themselves.

  • Avatar
    Lightnn
    10 years, 4 months ago

    That first picture just captures what Sonic now is... Perfectly!

  • Avatar
    PKNess
    10 years, 4 months ago

    Well I'm looking forward to it. Sonic is the reason I got into gaming. The only games I would even consider shit is 06 and Shadow the Hedgehog. Besides more people are regaining faith in the serires again thanks to Colors and Generations hell I enjoyed Modern Sonic more then Classic.