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On the run up to Duke Nukem Forever's release, in moments of introspection, I tried to define the series in a historical context and quantify what the series would need to do in order to bring itself back into video game relevance. Of particular note was this line;
For Duke to truly come back he’s going to have to cherish those things that made him great, hold them close, and make a mad dash for the common era.
Little did I know that not only would this not happen, but that Duke Nukem Forever would run so far away from everything that made the series so celebrated, that it would also try to replicate, and magnify, everything that is currently awful about video games today. Duke Nukem had something great to offer shooters of his time, and could have had something great to offer gamers of today. Unfortunately, Duke Nukem Forever has little of value to offer anyone. At its best, it is nothing more than a physical representation of missed opportunity and mediocrity. At its worst, it is a game which manages to idolize the most vile parts of the male ego to the point of celebrating the sociopathic.
Duke Nukem Forever (Xbox 360)
Developer: Gearbox Software / 3D Realms / Triptych Games
Publisher: 2K Games
Release date: June 14, 2011 (North America)
The torrid story of Duke Nukem Forever's development has been discussed ad-nauseum so I won't be getting into it here. What amazes me is that over a time span of twelve years and three developers, not one person ever stopped, looked at the project and thought. “What are we doing?” It's not that the game is just technically insufficient. It's graphics are ugly, its shooting sub-par, and its humor is humorless to the point of being horrific. The game misses every note it tries to project like a third grade class screaming out a just-learned song at the top of their lungs. And as every twisted, malformed, note careens off the television screen you'll be hard pressed to figure out where 2k Games found the courage to charge 60 dollars for it.
Graphically, it is a confusing game. It looks fairly bad overall, but some levels tend to look worse than others and you can almost point out where last minute improvements were made. More detailed textures stand in harsh contrast to textures with no detail at all, making the entire game look like the digital equivalent to a Frankenstein's monster. Level's are also bland in both visual integrity and design with no truly natural looking areas to be found. Gone are the sprawling and secret filled levels of Duke Nukem 3D, having been replaced with straight corridor romps from point A to point B.
Animations follow suit, and are stiff to the point of being disturbing. This is especially evident when female characters attempt move erotically, but only succeed in creating a Silent Hill-esque monstrosity that, at one point, you're forced to watch up close. Even Duke himself is animated badly when viewing the model in one of the in-game mirrors. I wasn't expecting motion capture, but last time I checked I do not jump with my arms remaining stiffly at my side.
Not even the fundamental act of shooting stuff feels very good. You'll be using guns that are extremely inaccurate against enemies who are not only bullet sponges, but also do a ridiculous amount of damage themselves. The same goes for boss fights which more often than not will either unravel into a confusing mess of enemies, explosions and inexplicable knock downs or be so easy as to be laughable. If they are the former, you'll find yourself being treated to one of Duke Nukem Forever's ludicrously long load screens. After dying, you'll have more than enough time to get up, get a drink, check your email, and even take a look at the daily news headlines if that's your thing. This is not an exaggeration. The loading screen I decided to time was 56.4 seconds from moment of death to restart. For a game that looks as bad as DNF does, I'm not exactly sure what it is that's taking so long to load.
There is also mutliplayer in the form of deathmatch, team deathmatch and a 'capture the babe' mode, which is the Duke version of Capture the Flag, but honestly these are only worth a cursory mention. All of the gameplay issues transfer over to the multiplayer portion of the game and 5 minutes into your first match will have you realizing just why we've made so many advances in first-person shooters. One could attempt to argue that it has a 'retro' feel and I'll argue that most multiplayer shooters from the 90's weren't very fun in hindsight.
You'll also be surprised at how little shooting there can be at times. DNF tries to break up the action with a tedious amount of platforming and physics based puzzles, neither of which is very fun. Duke controls way too stiffly for the platforming sections to be anything but frustrating exercises in futility that will, more often than not, grace the player with more of those extended load screens, and the physics puzzles comes across as shallow attempts at Valve-inspired tinkering with absolutely none of the proficiency found in a Valve title. You may be happy for the reprieve from the mediocre shooting, but that feeling won't last very long. In fact, the entire game feels as though it's been haphazardly culled together from a variety of sources in a vain attempt to modernize Duke while the entire time lambasting the very sources they are stealing from. For instance, as Duke makes “jokes” about Halo's Power Armor he can only hold two weapons and has regenerating health...just like Halo. Let alone the fact that Duke making jokes about any contemporary game comes across as incredibly wince-inducing, and even a little sad, when you see the state his own game is in.
And this is where we get to the true failure of Duke Nukem Forever. All of these technical hindrances might be tolerable, if not excusable, if the game delivered on personality and humor alone. Unfortunately, here the game doesn't just fail, it manages to deliver personality and “humor” which is so abrasive, so cold, and so vile that by the time Duke is attempting to make abortion jokes at women who are being graphically raped by aliens, you no longer want to play as him at all. Duke in DNF doesn't just objectify women, he has a visceral disdain for them which borders on the sociopathic. It came to a point where I began to detest Duke as an actual character midway through the game. His testosterone induced narcissism stopped being cute fairly quickly and I ended up playing with a pit in my stomach just waiting for Duke to throw out a “fag” joke. It never came. Thankfully, homophobia crosses the line for the developers, it's just a shame that such grotesque misogyny did not.
Those women being raped? They are the ones he entered an Alien Hive to save. The aliens are raping and impregnating them to propagate the alien species. They promise Duke that they'll lose the pregnancy weight and he tells them “Your fucked” just before they die. They either explode on their own or you also have the option to shoot them yourself if you want to. There is no punchline, there is no setup. “Pregnancy weight", "rape", and “your fucked” are supposed to be the joke here. In the end, it's not funny and actually quite disturbing when you take into account that the entire time you are surrounded by women in this state, and the soundtrack is a mixture of screams, vomiting and sexual noises. I didn't even find it offensive as much as I found it off-putting and bizarre. Also keep in mind that I'm certainly not one to shy away from morbid humor, but humor needs to be setup properly, with an air of tongue and cheek brevity and a well thought out concept. DNF simply says vile things to be vile and the effect is something so much more monstrous than I ever expected to find in this game. This is the worst it gets, and it never get's that bad again, but the lack of humor stays throughout.
You see, Duke never really makes jokes, he just says things. Things that you know about and that's supposed to be amusing enough. Jokes become nothing more than 'I know that movie or internet meme' games that don't really go anywhere, they just seem thrown in to make Duke seem topical. Duke acts like a middle-aged Alumni who still goes to frat parties. His presence is merely tolerated, his outdated jokes inspire only eye-rolling, he stays way too late at the party, and there is a good chance that he'll eventually end up raping one of the freshmen co-eds.
The truly sad part is that Duke Nukem could have truly made a good comeback if the character was treated with any sense of humanity and wrapped in proper game design. Duke Nukem, as a character coming to this age and finding his own way in a new world, could have been an intriguing story, while still retaining the strength and machismo that the character used to be so good at celebrating. Instead, in his time away Duke Nukem has turned into a bitter old man who's hatred of all things new, and hatred of women, is further confused by his clumsy attempt at keeping those things within arms reach.
Duke Nukem Forever is here but it probably would have been better for it to be constrained to development limbo for all eternity . It could have been the best game never made, and instead we have one of the worst games we spent forever waiting for. It has ripped the crown of disappointment from the head of Daikatana and placed it firmly on its own through terrible game design and an attempt at humor that can only be described as revolting. Duke Nukem Forever is a terrible game with no enjoyment to offer and with absolutely nothing to add to the world. People have been born and accomplished more for humanity in the time it took to develop.
Comments
13 years, 5 months ago
Liked the review, understand exactly where your coming from about this game pretty much having no quality of foot to stand on but god damnit I laughed when I read "you're fucked." Maybe it's a more Dark British sense of humor but I certainly don't consider myself a sociopath, yet. However I will agree that the context is particularily gross but that's kind of what Duke does but I was already happily in the camp of not liking Duke anyway so my comment is probably useless.
13 years, 5 months ago
I liked the way the game was broken up to not be all shooting or all driving, so to me, nothing got too boring from a pacing perspective. Everything else was pretty bad though and long load times are a game breaker for me. Just like New Vegas, I had to give up because I'm not sitting through all those load screens.
Such a shame.
13 years, 5 months ago
Is it bad if I like the game?
13 years, 5 months ago
I've never been a fan of Duke Nukem because it just wasn't fun or funny. But, I still see a small margin of people defend this game for whatever reason. Maybe douchebaggery is a homerun for some.
13 years, 5 months ago
When I saw a couple of casters do this game I thought it would be decent, But you really did shed some interesting light on this game Joseph! nice review!
13 years, 5 months ago
Had this game come out in 1989 to 2000 it would have been an achievement, but in this era Duke doesn't fit the profile of the cool hero.
13 years, 5 months ago
Excellent review, Joseph!
It's sad what DNF turned out to be. I remember back at PAX last September when you and Brad basically called it a piece of shit after playing the demo, actually. Sucks that they never polished this turd.
I saw a couple of jokes highlighted on youtube, and I would agree that they were pretty pathetic. They even attempted a stupid Leeroy Jenkins joke, which unsurprisingly was awful. Like you said, Duke making fun of something like Halo in his current state is definitely cringe worthy.
And holy shit, those other "jokes" sound fucking horrible. I'm speechless.
A huge disappointment, it seems. Thanks for the great review, I'll be sure to pass on this, and finally get my hands on LA Noire.
13 years, 5 months ago
I honestly think they made Duke such an unlikable character simply so that the character will die, and no-one will ever need mention him again.
13 years, 5 months ago
I'm still surprised when anyone is......surprised that this game turned out to be horrible. It was so obvious from the presentation, the trailers, the media articles, everything everyone loved about Duke was gone. The gameplay, and even worse, the character. Like watching Michael Richards, a character everyone loved as Kramer, spew racist remarks and just completely tarnish his image.
13 years, 5 months ago
I never played a Duke Nukem game, and this pretty much confirms I never will. I wan't interesting in this game when they announced it's come-back, and I'm certainly not interested now. I knew that this game basically disdains women, but not on this kind of level. I won't condemn or insult people that enjoy this game; though personally, I find things like this a bit disgusting.
13 years, 5 months ago
I found the game a breath of fresh air if I'm honest. It stands out from generic war shooter 101. Yeah the graphics kinda suck, the animation is janky and gameplay could be better but if you look at the game as a game of around 5 years ago (which is about right al things considered) its not all that terrible. As far as humour goes I'd say its unfair to judge, if you dont find it funny it's not the game's fault- I laughed a lot, a rarity i havent had lately with the exception of portal 2.
All in all though- Don't buy the game, just rent it, its a few laughs then you can send it back :)
13 years, 5 months ago
Having played a few hours of the game, I can say I'm in the minority and am generally enjoying it. I completely respect the opposing points of view- I recognize that the load times are long, the graphics are jaggy, and the control is a little floaty, but for whatever reason the actual act of killing aliens is proving entertaining for me. I've found laughter in the ridiculousness of Duke's world and would like to at least see the adventure through.
THAT SAID, the "you're fucked" scene which Joseph mentioned definitely crossed the line for me, and the horror of the scene- and Duke's stoic approach to it- is still rattling around in my head. I am very glad to know that it at least doesn't get worse than that.
I don't quite know how I'll describe this one when I talk to friends about it. This is a game that I can neither shoot down nor recommend; I'm enjoying myself to an extent, but it is definitely not without its problems.
13 years, 5 months ago
Quite a vivid review for such a bland game, thanks.
13 years, 5 months ago
Ouch... 25%.... can't say I didn't see it coming though.
Great review Joseph, one of your best yet in my opinion. Looks like duke should have just stayed buried in the 90's where he sadly belongs. They probably shouldn't have released this game at all. Now instead of staying a mysterious gaming urban legend and an unknown entity, the 12 years hype and everything else that came along with it have been punctuated with the game ultimately being a piece of crap.
13 years, 5 months ago
Well, i can understand David's, as well as other peoples views on the game, As i have some quirks about the game itself, Shooting was stagnant, and the humor is, to in a a lighter way, more of a childish "Hahah! He just cussed!" Sort of manner. That being said, the graphics are not mediocre by any means, If of course your not playing on a dated console; The PC takes it to levels that show off rendering and shadings that even Oblivion, an 06' game, couldn't very well take on without later Mods. The use of dark humor is a bit disturbing yes, But i feel that its also in part the person's sensitivity and maybe, therein, taking things to a much higher degree, that makes up for the enjoyment in the game. It's an alternate universe, where aliens roam the earth, raping and pillaging women and various things alike, It's not your local suburb where children are being maimed and racked for not believing in religion or Jesus. At best, the game is something to blow off some time, wait out a few hours, get a kick or two, and then just leave off for some other time; It has qualities towards it that are largely uncouth, but an open mind can bring such clarity these days. :)
13 years, 5 months ago
This game felt kind of like what happens when an aging metal band tried to create a modern rap song today. It pretty much has a checklist of all the bad or overused FPS cliches in most shooters today. Instead of being a true successor to Duke 3D, it's got super linear levels, scripted events and set-pieces, quick time events, 2-guns system, turret and vehicle sequences, and regenerating health system with bloody screen.
13 years, 5 months ago
Good review, still gunna play it
13 years, 5 months ago
After reading Joseph's review, it pretty much reminded me of this comic:
http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/448
13 years, 5 months ago
Game was okay, but got bored (._ .)
13 years, 5 months ago
Duke should have stayed in the 90s, now he just seems pathetic .
13 years, 5 months ago
better than the score you gave comic jumper
13 years, 5 months ago
from day one of it actully being announced it was going to be made in 2011 i didnt want to get it now though i dont even want to see it ever again and, unlike duke nukem 3D, duke nukem forever is a terrible excuse for a game and gearbox you just scerwed-no f***** up big time plain and simple. good god i dont even want to think about this game anymore =(
13 years, 5 months ago
Not surprise here and good review Joseph by the way
13 years, 5 months ago
Hmmm...I might still buy it when it gets to $20 or less.
13 years, 5 months ago
Duke Nukem Forever's PR firm threatens gaming review sites for their "venomous" reviews. Classy.
http://twitter.com/#!/TheRednerGroup/status/80834594424897536
13 years, 5 months ago
I've never read a better review.
13 years, 5 months ago
I beat it with one of my friends earlier today. Not much to say other than it's one of those games that's slightly funnier if you've got someone sitting in a room with you to mock it during it's low points. But other than that, I don't think it was to bad considering what Gearbox had to work with.
It's hard to polish a fossilized turd without it crumbling into dust in your hands. Gearbox just needs to get a decent sample of DukeNukem3D DNA to clone for future installments.
13 years, 5 months ago
"-that it would also try to replicate, and magnify, everything that is currently awful about video games today. "
If you're talking about the two weapon limit and the regenerating health, it's not that it's awful. It's overdone.
Regenerating health is what keeps games like call of duty and Battlefield fast paced.
13 years, 5 months ago
Well, what could you expect.
13 years, 5 months ago
What a great pen.
13 years, 5 months ago
I read this again after beating the game and I get where you're coming from on most of your points, except you seem to have taken things to the way extreme. I find this to actually be a really funny game and Duke has always made fun of other games especially first-person shooters. He also always made somewhat pop-culture references; the humor hasn't changed. Second, the shooting isn't actually that bad. All the guns have a nice kick to them and with a shotgun most enemies are 2 maybe 3 hits. Duke is a little weak but he was in Duke 3D too. Also Duke doesn't hate women, he just literally only cares about himself. He will make fun of anyone because he thinks its funny. You also took the girls being raped out of context; if you hadn't said they were being raped it would not have crossed my mind. They talk about being pregnant but they aren't being "graphically raped by aliens" in front of you. I guess what I'm saying is that Duke really hasn't changed. Hes just showing his old age after this time. Sorry, just throwing my 2 cents in
13 years, 5 months ago
It is actually how I expected it to be. Bad.
This review is probably the most accurate thing ever. I still think 25% is too high of a score though for this game.
13 years, 5 months ago
Sounds like Joseph has some sand in his Vagina.
Was your girl friend or wife standing over your shoulder while you wrote this?
Jesus christ, most of this was like what I'd expect a "Christian Youth League" review to sound like..
13 years, 5 months ago
I was one of those guys who was absolutely itching to play the game, and I now find myself among those in the middle. In the end, I liked DNF, but there were many things I both liked and didn't like about the game.
Strangely, this game was the opposite of my general reaction to games: I liked the multiplayer more than the campaign. Multiplayer was a blast, and was very reminicient of when I used to play Doom online. No killstreaks, no perks, just a bunch of guys with guns, and an objective. And I enjoyed it!
The thing is with Duke, is that he IS Duke Nukem. His character is wrapped in mysogony, narcissism, and one-liners. If the developers toned that down at all, surely fans would hate it for that. The one-liners for me were no different than the first game: They're only funny like Family Guy, as in you'll get the reference, think it funny, and the 'joke' will never be funny again. Sure, some made me laugh (the 'You're my Boy, Blue!' Bit when Duke drinks a beer. I thought that was funny), but its exactly the same: once you hear it once, its not funny anymore.
The thing I actually hated most about this game wasn't the mysogeny or gameplay problems everyone else has illustrated. What I hated were the characters that WEREN'T Duke Nukem. Everyone Male character is either overly whiny, a smart-ass, a joke, or overly Machismo. The Sgt. Dylan Character is by far the worst offender, along wiith the countless soldiers who make tiny quips that don't add anything to the game. And all the women characters are whiny and slutty. The Holsom twins featured in the beginning of the game are the absolute worse, more so than Dylan. Its like they were designed to be irritating, and it was actually why the Hive scene didn't bug me at first: I was glad to see them dead and gone. But all women in the game are pretty much the same. I mean, who offers to 'totally go down' on someone for saving their lives? Seriously? I expected Forever to be a refreshment from serious war game, and it turned out just as bland for the opposite reason. Its the fact that the game is overly not-serious that was somewhat off putting.
But in the end, it was the game that I liked. Most weapons made a comeback, it was still fun to kill aliens in newer, creative ways, and the story was pretty decent, for what its worth. But in the end, I thought Forever was good, just not '12 years' good.
This is a good game to rent, definiely to enjoy the multiplayer, and maybe to play with a few friends while drinking. But man, I'm glad I downgraded my preorder to the stock price of the game, instead of the $100 version. That would have been pretty sucky, even with the statue.
13 years, 5 months ago
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13 years, 5 months ago
Duke Nukem Forever was slow and dull. :( It should have felt like Painkiller, or even Halo. But it felt like an imitation Call of Duty stretched out with Half Life like puzzles and a super sized serving of bland, sprinkled with long painful loading screens. I wonder what Gearbox will do with Duke now? Surely starting from scratch they could make something less painful. Fingers crossed.
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