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After a long time waiting we here at 4Player Podcast made it into the Natal / Kinect reveal show. We actually found out the new name of the system while standing on line. After about three hours of joshing for position we were finally let inside. What happened after that is something that is hardly able to be put into words. I find myself happy that it will be shown on MTV this week because I feel that you would not believe me if I was all you had to go by.
The event started with them donning us with white robes which had huge shoulder pads, and it just got weirder from there. The entire audience was wearing these robes, everyone except the few who had enough human dignity to remove them. We did not have this dignity and wore them with pride.
The lights began to dim and what followed was a wave of narcissistic parading that made nazi rallies look humble and acid trips seem sane. Gyrating bodies, children being carried around the place by tribal warriors, giant...I mean GIANT....xbox symbols rising from the ground while all of our puffy shoulder pads LIT UP GREEN.
Games were shown with no titles, being "played" (it was obviously being adlibed) by a family made up of actors with some of the most process hair ever crafted. The room the family played in swing upside down various times, and on the ceiling of the upturned room little girls would dance through while bouncing balls. This happened multiple times.
There was an elephant. A child was riding it.
I know thats a lot to take in. At the end of the show we, ourselves, were mentally exhausted by the cacophony of madness we had just witnessed. I walked out of the show more confused about project natal than I was when I walked in. The one juicy bit of information we were given was the new name. Kinect. I'm still not sure how I feel about that one.
Ultimately, we the press were nothing more than unwitting participants for a giant, masturbatory MTV commercials that Microsoft happened to be filming at the time. The show was not put on for us. They needed bodies to make the shoulder glow gimmick work. And since we all flew to LA...and would do it for free...might as well use us for that place.
-Joseph-
Comments
15 years ago
Only one phrase comes to mind....What The Fuck.
15 years ago
What.. the fuck.. i really cannot wait to see this shit, i dont watch MTV but i may have to this week just to witness the madness
15 years ago
This. Umm. Giant green shoulderpads? Is that... wait, people danced on cielings? I mean... ELEPHANTS? What the frell. Did you come out sane?
15 years ago
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
15 years ago
At first I thought you were setting up an epic joke... Then I saw a few photos from another gaming site... Now I wish you were setting up a joke. God I hope this is not microsofts primary focus and that they will blow us away with real games tomorrow. But by the sounds of how much effort was put into this "spectacle" I'm assuming they think people really care about this thing.
15 years ago
Cirque du Soleil, Joseph. Google it.
15 years ago
I've read two articles about this now and still have no idea what the fuck is going on, I think Microsoft is starting it's own cult.
15 years ago
You guys missed the point entirely entirely then. Microsoft was showing you the target audience for 'Kinetic', people who are easily entertained/distracted by fancy abstract spectacles.
It's probably just a metaphor for their intentions. "Look over there! There's a unicorn being ridden bareback by a faun eating chocolate cake... Do you want some of that cake? Well, that'll be $150."
15 years ago
.....Really now?I Bet after all of that, Joseph and Nick needed a cold one....I mean wtf man lol
15 years ago
You have no idea how hard I want to see this. Natal becomes Kinetic, and then Microsoft hires Cirque du Soleil to come in and do insane motion French circus shit? I think I would probably die. Please, please tell me you have pictures or videos of the bunch of you in space panchos because that would probably complete my life as I know it.
Congratulations on flipping the man a finger and getting in, btw. Or having a contact, whichever the case may have been for that.
15 years ago
A total mindfuck from Cirque De Soleil pretty much what I expected.
15 years ago
It's clearly obvious they chose the name "Kinect" so they can have a lot of stupid marketing puns like the Wii had.
"Kinect with Friends.
Kinect with Family.
Kinect with Everyone." (something close to that affect)
Bet that their marketing slogan will be exactly that, or something very similar. Also WTF did I just read? Sounds god-awful..
15 years ago
What the hell? Sounds pretty cool, I need too see this, but I am not pleased with the new name. Sure it will have better tag lines and jingles, but the name natal felt so natural and instinctive.
15 years ago
So, it was the same as getting drunk and going to a party after all, wasn't it? It does seem vaguely like a tactic to get everyone's minds onto the track that it is actually interesting with distractions. Hell, not vaguely. Very much so. Perhaps they'll show more for it during E3. They seem to be forgetting that they're showcasing this not to business heads, but to gamers.
15 years ago
That's Day 1 of E3 week for you. Hope you guys have a great time there and keep giving us incites on what happened.
15 years ago
I saw other pictures of all the white-robed attendants, but reading all these details... I can't really put it into words. Microsoft, you confuse me.
15 years ago
...I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together?
15 years ago
I believe the words you looking for is; Shit Pickle or "Pickle Surprise" - look it up.
15 years ago
awww, this post needed more pics. :( The neogaf photoshopped pics of this event are hilarious, a must see.
15 years ago
What the hell? I want to see that commercial now.
15 years ago
Did Nick get picked to go on stage with the performers? I saw the thing on MTV and someone onstage looked extremely like Nick, also with a expression on his face that looked like something Nick would have.
15 years ago
[...] not be here.3. The Kinect World Premirt EventWhat can I say? Everything I can say about this event I said here. Other than that I mentioned here that Microsoft was about to have their Giant Enemy Crab moment. [...]