Dante's Inferno: Review

There is only one way I can think of to describe Dante's Inferno. Its like going on a blind date with a really hot girl, getting her home, and then finding out she's terrible in bed. The anticipation commingled with disappointment is really a peculiar feeling if you're not used to it. But it is one I know well. I recognize it...and this is it.

Dante's Inferno (XBOX 360, PS3, PC)
Developer: Visceral Games
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Released: February 9, 2010

Lets get to brass tacks here. Dante's Inferno has gotten a lot of flack throughout its development cycle, and then post-release, for being what many people described as a “God of War clone.” Personally I like to think that games should not be reviewed based solely on what other games they are like, but by the content of their character. I'm like a Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. of video games...although not nearly as spiffy a dresser. So what (I can hear you asking) puts me in a direct position where I am able to recluse myself from any such inclinations? Simple. I have never in my life played a God of War game. Sure, I've seen some of GOW3 be played but never have I put my greedy little hands on a controller and acted as Kratos as he tears and rends his way to salvation. So it hereby stands. The first and last mention of God of War in this review. May it rest in pieces.

Let me ask you a question. Cause I think you look like one of those readers. Ever read Dante's Inferno? No? Well let me tell you, its quite the read. It has some of the best lines that can be mustered in literature. But here's the thing. You see, there's no girl. No lost love. Dante finds himself in a dark wood and then slowly descends into hell. The entire thing is an allegory for straying from the path of righteousness, seeing the repercussions of that path, and then finally finding salvation. Its quite a subtle theme that runs through the book, many of which are part of old Christian Theology and the writings of St. Thomas Aquinas (a famous early church theologian).

Dante's Inferno the game? To sum it up...its about an asshole who doesn't know he's an asshole. But he goes to hell and there he finds out that he's actually a HUGE asshole. In fact, he is such an asshole that even Lucifer is impressed and has lured him there to use DANTE JUICE to escape from hell. There are some elements of lost love thrown in to the mix and the original themes of the book have certainly gotten a little of the action movie treatment. Perhaps to make it more palatable to gamers but I felt like there were certainly some interesting narratives that were lost in the translation. The evolution of Dante from an ignorant asshole to someone who is a self-aware asshole is actually done quite well. In fact, much like that hot blind date, the stylings and the presentation of the game are done exceptionally well.

There are few big names involved in this game that you may be unaware of. Allow me, my little Fur Baskets, to enlighten you.

The character and level designs in Dante's Inferno are all based on the work of Wayne Barlowe who's been an artist conceiving the odd and the horrific, professionally, since 1979. I first found a book of his called “Barlowe's Inferno” about 6 years ago where he does his own depictions of the different levels of hell. When I first saw screens for Dante's Inferno I knew that it looked familiar. I ask you to check out his site, for it contains some of the best visages of hell and its minions that I've ever seen. Dante's Inferno does the same thing. Though some of the later levels tend to look a little on the stale side, 90% of the game is a design masterpiece. Levels are completely enthralling to just look at and be in.

Cutscene's, interestingly enough, are split into three different styles. Animation, CGI, and in-game engine. The animation sequences are highly reminiscent of the work of Ralph Bakshi, who is best known for the 1977 animated film Wizards, and the animations found in movies like Heavy Metal. Its a very stark, otherworldly style where characters and scenes will meld into each other and certain aspects of the action are grossly disproportionate to add to the odd feeling.

Now stay with me, because I'm actually not going off track here. I put in these references because I have never seen these styles used anywhere else in gaming. Those responsible for the presentation of this game obviously did their homework and really did a lot to make this one of the more interesting stories to watch be played out. They knew what they were doing, and on these aspects they really hit the mark. In what other game can a boss have nipples, with tongues, that shoot out babies that have blades for arms? There's just a little bit of awesome in that alone.

The CGI cutscenes, as well, look fantastic which makes it odd that the in-game engine scenes look so shoddy. So much so that it reeks of a development cutoff that Visceral games was certainly feeling. Basically, I would pay money to watch the entire story in the animated and CGI styles of the game. In fact...I think I CAN.

So here we are, in the middle of our blind date with this hot individual. She's beautiful. She laughs at my jokes. My God...I think she reads. She has a fantastic body as well...oh...when she walks her thighs don't touch...there's that little space in between, the hallmark of well formed legs. We've brought her home and have reached the bed....

...this is where things go wrong.

Quite unfortunately I found the gameplay in Dante's Inferno to waver between uninspired and frustrating. Combat mechanics aren't necessarily bad, its just that they aren't very deep. Lets put aside that the right stick dodge is an abomination...I think that's a personal preference more than anything. Its just that, when you get down to it, Dante really can't do very much, or at least not very much that is particularly interesting. He can be upgraded by using the souls he collects (through the slaying of enemies) but these are primarily made up of passive upgrades to mana, armor and strength; and more moves that really don't do a very good job of differentiating themselves from each other. In fact, I made it through most of the game using Dante's foundational light and heavy attacks with only a light smattering of special throws.

Magic is also an option and these do add a little more flavor but, again, there just isn't much of it to be found. I never felt like I really had to spend time to equip Dante for different situations. The character has a one-size-fits-all for the battles that allows one to throw any sort of planning out the window.

Where the combat is uninspired, the platforming is frustrating. 95% of my deaths came from bad platform jumps and bad camera angles. Whereas giant demons on wings posed me no problem, jumping from one rope to another rope had me restarting over and over. In one particular section in the Gluttony level I had try one, relatively simple, jump 14 times before I figured out just exactly what was going wrong. “14 times” you say? Yes. Let me explain.

There is one jump where Dante is swinging on a rope from right to left, he must let go at the zenith of the swing to the left, go along a wall and grab another rope. Seems easy right? Wrong. While other games will have your character grab on to the second rope when he comes within the vicinity of it, Dante's Inferno makes you have to FACE the rope toward the wall in order to grab onto it. So instead of just jumping and grabbing, you have to jump at the zenith, and then as you are flying left you must turn the characters body TOWARD THE WALL, while he is still going left, so that you are facing the wall (and the rope) when he passes over it. Only then will he grab it.  This is completely unnecessary. Not to mention that as soon as Dante lets go of anything his momentum disappears almost entirely, requiring him to double jump even after a lofty and mighty swing.

Its cumbersome, looks bad, and plagues the jumping and platforming in this game.

Dante's Inferno also has a handful of puzzles strewn about the levels but these, often times, add up to nothing more than “hit the lever and then make it from Point A to Point B before the puzzle resets itself" variety. Most seem setup to stunt player progress rather than actually being a brain teaser. And its really too bad. One would think that hell would have some rather interesting puzzles in it. Ones that might require some player self reflection or some hard choices. Unfortunately this is not the case.

There are actually a lot of places in Dante's Inferno that seem more like silly time sinks than anything. And considering that I was able to finish this game in about 6 hours I'm guessing they were needed. For example, there are numerous lost souls Dante can find in hell and he has the option of Punishing or Absolving them. Punish them and you get points to raise your Unholy Level (and thusly unlock more abilities). Absolve them and you get more points toward your Holy Level and...(drum roll) you get to play the CAPTURE THE SINS GAME!! Yes, my friends, now you can capture the sins of the absolved in hell which basically adds up to nothing more than a timed game of Simon Sez. Its reminiscent of an XBOX Live Indie game that you would pay 80 points for, but here it is in all its glory. The idea that you have to even play it will have you punishing lost souls for the rest of the game.

And just so you know. Every time, EVERY TIME, you open a door, use a health fountain, soul fountain or mana fountain, you have to button mash the B button. Every. Damn. Time.

Seriously.

And here we are in bed....I feel like I'm fucking drywall.

I really wanted to like Dante's Inferno, and I can't stress enough how good the art direction is. But the gameplay just isn't there. Downloadable content, which provides co-op and a basic form of level creation, is coming out and I wish it was added in with the release. It probably would have done a lot to freshen up the gameplay.

As it stands now, as good as she looks, we just can't call her back. $60 is one expensive date with such little payout at the end.

Score - 55%