Woman I Gave My Heart To…

There was once this girl. We had been acquaintances. Known of each other for a while. It started with a phone call. Originally, just something work related. Nothing out of the ordinary. She wanted to know my plan of action for the situation. I tried to play it cool. I wanted to be the suave guy who had everything under control. At the end of it, a slight giggle. A tiny change in her voice. Just a bit really, nothing even really serious. But enough to make a connection. That's how it started.

It's actually quite hilarious how something so small and insignificant was the seed to creating such a huge portion of my life. From there, it might have been the dedication to the job that kept the friendship growing but more than likely there was a mutual attraction. It didn't matter what the reason. The wheels had begun to turn. The snowball had begun picking up momentum rolling down the hill. Slowly and steadily things grew. In between work days, conversations about whatever would occupy my sleepless nights. The subjects of our dialogues were so pointless. They were just a cover up so that we could spend time talking to each other. It was pretty pathetic how foolish we were.

We should have known it wouldn't work and that we were heading down a path that would lead us nowhere. I was in a completely different country. There was an ocean between us. Millions of gallons of water. Hours by plane. But that didn't matter. I was young and patient. I could make it work. Ideally, one of us would eventually move to be with the other, but until then, all we would have to go on were the sound of our voices over the phone.

There's a reason why long distance relationships don't work. It's difficult when you want to be with somebody, but you can't. You're not able to just go see the person because you want to. There is actually a limitation that exceeds that of just time or space. At first the phone was enough. Having someone on the other side of the line made me feel comforted. I was miles from home, but there was someone on the other end, just for me. But eventually, it became more of a reminder of how far and how impossible reality was. Although there was voice was being fed directly in my ear as if the person was right next to me, the truth was that in actuality, they were half was across the world and I couldn't do anything about it.

Humans get jealous. Maybe that meant we really cared about each other. The thought of losing the other was too much to face. Or maybe it's a sign of lack of trust and lack of confidence in ourselves. She became worried about a girl who I was working with. I had to look out for her, show her the ropes, make sure she didn't get in trouble. She was the daughter of my boss so it was part of my job. Sure, the girl kinda had a school girl crush on me. But she was young. I didn't even consider it. Then there was me. A few times I tried to call her. Some guy picked up. A guy with an latino accent. My paranoia set it. Maybe I dialed wrong? Was it possible that it was a bad connection? Had her loneliness sent her into the arms of another man? She assured me but I couldn't let it be. In the end, we were both jealous.

Jealous that someone less deserving, was spending time with the other.

We tried to go back to what worked for us. Back to talking about work. Back to the chit chat and the jokes that made her laugh. Back to using work as an excuse to call, but this time we talked about work so we didn't have to talk about other things. We just avoided the problems to keep from arguments. We'd just sweep them under the rug and pretended like they weren't there, hoping they'd go away.

They did. Along with everything else. All that was left was fake. A facade of a working relationship and a strictly professional friendship. The last time I talked to her, I had just finished my work overseas. So I gave it another shot. A quick joke, followed by a last effort to rekindle something. Her answer, cold and professional. The warmth was gone. It was great while it lasted. Something I'd never want taken away from me. As painful as it was, the experience taught me about love and shaped me into the person I've become.

So to you I say, thank you for the memories... Ingrid Hunnigan.

With Love,
David