If Life Were A 2D Platformer....

So I have seen lists such as this before... if I remember correctly, But now it's my turn.

1. Simple objects such as rocks or trees could completely hinder you from saving your grandmother from falling into a well.
2. If there is any black formation on the ground, it is best not to step in it.
3. The only way to get to the grocery store could only be done by jumping on to magical floating platforms.... Or tree limbs.
4. While being shot at, there are only two ways to dodge the bullet. Jumping ridiculously high, or going into a fetal position.
5. Any body other than local townsfolk are considered threats, and should be killed immediately so you can pick up the money they will most likely drop.
6. Said money is of course used to buy whichever drug threw you into this game world, most likely skooma.
7. Animals and other creatures are made out of lava.
8. If you ever get in a fight, try to avoid getting hit, this will most likely throw you back approximately 2-20 feet. Beware black formations on the ground behind you.
9. Never underestimate the value of god, he can bring you back to life you know!
10. You are jesus. Except you actually return from the dead.
11. You will have no friends in a 2D platformer, at least, none that will hold a steady conversation with you.
12. If you ever disagree with someone, they will just repeat the same nonsense until you agree with them... actually that sounds like real life.
13. All towns and cities sell weapons which require no license.
14. No one would look at you funny if you were carry a sword and/or gun and/or shield and/or elemental bazooka of UTHRA THE GREAT!!!!! They would just not sell you items for as cheap.
15. Whenever confronted with an important decision, the correct answer most likely lies due east.
16. You would never have to visit your parents again, doing so would just have them offer to sleep in your bed and rest.... Not get a real job.
17. Beggers wouldn't be as ugly.... and they would almost always have both legs still attached.
18. Until you are able to double jump, most of the world you live in is off limits... Good luck with that.
19. Air is as solid as a rock until you try to jump off of it a second time.
20. Whenever some one is rude to you, it would be OK to tea bag them.
21. Politics are the least of everyones concern in towns, they are more interested in telling you their life story.
22. You never have to actually say a word to anyone, they understand your problems immediately.
23. You can never learn to run, unless you are Pocohantes... Then you just have to save a deer from complete annihilation.
24. There is normally only one person who knows the name of the town you are in, make sure you find him.
25. Woman would know their place, you would only see them either buying food or making food.
26. No one works but you.
27. When trying to defeat an extra evil person, chances are he is going to have two different attack against you. Pussy attacks such as shooting you like a normal person, and then RIDICULOUS ATTACKS like... jumping on top of you.
28. Jumping on top of people is rude. You and bosses are the only ones allowed to do it, so you shouldn't show off.
29. When someone asks you for help, well dammit you are going to help them. If you don't, your life becomes meaningless.
30. You are forced to listen to idiots tell you backstories of your life which you could care less about. There is a reason you don't know... that is because you don't care.



Ok, so that wasn't so much a 2D platformer, but whatever.
Hope y'all enjoy that.
This does tie into something.
Talk to y'all later!
-Travis