Wario: All That Greed & Nothing To Show For It

Wario in his current state is done. He's really got nothing to offer. His games are short, slow paced, and not as engaging as some of the other Nintendo franchises. He's not very well liked and I'm not really sure what to think of him either. Plus his games are included in the list of Nintendo games that really should be called B tier. But Nintendo "doesn't" make B tier games so they all get priced the same.

I've always had high hopes for Wario. He's a bad guy. He's misunderstood. I missed out on all the Gameboy fun people had with him, so I jumped on the band wagon as soon as I could. I was hesitant about WarioWare, MicroGames. But after playing it for 30 seconds, I was a Wario fan. Since then I've bought every Wario game on release. Wario Land on GameCube, WarioWare Touched on DS, WarioWare Twisted on GBA, WarioWare Smooth Moves on Wii, Wario: Master of Disguise on DS, and now Wario Land: Shake It! I do have MegaParty Games, but I didn't buy it on release since it was a rerelease of the GBA game.

So let's start off by taking out all the WarioWare games. I love them, but they've got no story and really not much gameplay to build a real game out of. What's left is Wario. There's not much to look at. Mediocrity at it's best. Before you all start telling him to lose the weight, get in shape, and turn his life around. Let me tell you, that's not the problem. The real problem is that Wario's got an identity crisis. He's doesn't know who he is or who he wants to be. He's lost touch with what made him worthy of the "ario"with an upside down M. I mean for goodness sakes. He's supposed to be the opposite of Mario. So if Mario is all good and saving the Princess, then Wario needs to really be up to something nasty. Forget petty larceny and treasure hunting. Let's get down to kidnapping.

When was the last time Mario had a decent Villain that we feared. The battle between Bowser and Mario has become more one-sided than a Harlem Globetrotters game. Wario's resorted to playing tennis and driving go karts with his nemesis. And all the other bad guys are just temporary place holders while Bowser rests up for his next ass kicking. Nintendo needs figure out if they want to go after the casual or the hardcore market with Wario. If they want to make a short and sweet casual game, then they need to make it at a casual price. If they really want to charge full price and hit the hardcore game players, then we need something that will warrant the 50 dollar purchase. I'm not asking for Grand Theft Wario. But Wario and Nintendo both need to make a big splash. No one wants to see a bad-guy being kinda good or a good-guy being kinda bad. They want the choice to be Good or Evil and then completely explore the possibilities of their decision.

The next Wario game has to put Wario up against Mario. Have it where Mario is chasing after Wario the entire game and it's up to you to help Wario keep the hero off his ass. Have it as somewhat a chase platformer and even leave it in 2-D with the Shake It! art style.

So, Wario, let's relive those 6 Golden Coin days. If there's any Evil left underneath all that flab and joyful roundness, get your ass off the couch, stop feeling sorry for yourself, go kidnap that bitch Peach, and let's start this party.

Waaaahhh!
David